myyogajourney

Friday June 6th, 2008 !!! Graduation!!!! I am done!

2008-06-06T07:46:00.002-05:00

I Can't believe its here! The day has finally arrived, we as a group of 270 yogis have survived Bikram's Torture Chamber in every sense of the way. I have learned so much about myself, others and survival! Its been great in so many ways, learned so much and so many things I didn't appreciate much. In midst of all that.. I know for sure who I am and what defines me. In the toughest of time, I realized I never ever gave up my core values, and that's what comforted me. In the philosophy of the boot camp of breaking us down and rebuilding us up again. I stood firm and knew that parts of my life were not going to be broken down. My faith defines me and has gotten me through this time. But yes I did learn a lot, about letting go... feelings that we use as a security blanket, sometimes hold us back to enjoy life to its fullest. Forgiving is one of the best thing I was able to do on this journey. Forgive myself and others.... not because the world has done me so wrong, but because we are human and forgiveness is the core of our existence!

As I enter into the REAL world out of the YOGA BUBBLE! I am excited to share the new me and cautious to know the I might view life with different set of glasses.....

Here is a quote from the Autobiography of the yogi.. that really defines my journey....

" Human life is the best with sorrow until we know how to tune in with the Divine Will, whose right course is often baffling to the egoistic intelligence. God bears the burden of the cosmos; He alone can give unerring counsel"

Much love to you all!

Wondering where I have been... Week 7, 8 & 9

2008-06-04T14:32:00.002-05:00

I am still alive and sort of kicking.... Its almost over in a day and half!!! Yeah... the past three weeks have been HELL WEEK!!!! in all ways.... Both body and mind started to give up and it almost seemed that this treacherous journey will never end! I stopped e-mailing, blogging and all contact with the outside world! ( except for talking to the family , that also every other day, really short) Just trying to survive was absolutely draining my energy. I totally gave myself to the yoga bubble that I am in! It took too much energy to think of anyone or anything other than my own physical pain and mental trials. In week 8, I was hit with flu along with 100 or so other yogis... we are so depleted that we have no immunity. Still fighting the cold. No rest for the weary.. I was still required to follow the schedule. Talk about self realization! There is so much to write and tell you all... but again, hanging by a fine fine thread with 4 hours of sleep at best.... Don't worry I am hanging in strong.. relatively speaking.. counting down hours and minutes..... So my dear friend thanks for coming along with me on this journey. I will talk to you all when I get back! And Yes I have much to tell! Still loving my yoga!

Hugs to you all

Week 6 ...Great Surprise!!!

2008-05-19T19:07:00.005-05:00

I know you all are wondering what the hell happened to me.... Faizi and the kids surprised me on Friday... so way too busy with trying to catch up... In a nutshell, week 6 was another tough one! But it ended up being beautiful with my family here... All is good that ends well... so NO whining for week 6!

Week 6 ...Great Surprise!!!

2008-05-19T19:07:00.004-05:00

Week 5 Done! Tough One!

2008-05-11T08:29:00.002-05:00

Week 5 marked half way of the training!!! There was a sense of celebration going into the week knowing we were half way there... It was announced on Monday in our morning yoga class that Bikram's Guru's son and old time friend died and all the classes and posture clinics were canceled. As sad that was, we need the extra day for rest and study. We were also told that Bikram was flying in the next day to be with us.. he really wanted to be here with us. Week started on Tuesday and Bikram took the afternoon class with us. Boy he was absolutely belligerent in the class. Instead of doing yoga, he started picking on people in the class... what a distraction and he was like a crazy man! Hard 2 hour class... the rest of the week was down hill... he had us in lectures most nites until 2:30am and Friday nite, we were in lecture until 4AM!!! Yes we were cruising on 2 to 3 ours of sleep ... with still on our regular schedule. Words cannot justify what the moral was like.... He would start his lecture at 9PM and then we were made to watch Indian movie into the wee hours of the morning..... I will say no more, its one of the things I am learning to filter and know that it is temporary. The lesson I am learning from all this madness is how to keep my sanity under the worst of times...

The amazing part of all this is... how people support each other, everyone is so supportive , we watch out for each other and there is a sense of family. If one is down there are so many people cheering for you, you just feel like you are being carried. There is fatigue setting in, especially week 5 , mostly lack of sleep. Why we are being put thru this torture, I don't have the answer, would it make me a better yoga teacher, I don't think so... it seems personal power trips!!! As Bikram puts it... he is making us "Bullet Proof, Fire Proof, Sex Proof"!!!! So there... But I know for sure that I am definitely discovering or rediscovering things about me. Which is good thing.... I am so out of my comfort zone, my fight mechanism is activated and I am learning that I am much tougher than I ever imagined.

In spite of all the hell of the week, I still love the real Yoga!!! That I am happy about. One of the highlights of my week was my studio owner and friend Jameliah, surprised me on Monday. Boy was that a sight for sore eyes.... it was so good to see someone from home... I hardly got to see her, but it was a great treat in the middle of hell week.

Saturday morning we did our morning yoga.. hardly was yoga... with no sleep... the class of 280 people were bunch zombies in motion !!! it was so wild there was no energy in the room. Did the Walmart ritual and crashed in the afternoon.

At nite, 8 of us went out for a Italian dinner at the Veranda and celebrated Mother's Day!!! As usual the Saturday nite dinners are my therapy and IV for the week. We laughed and laughed of what we were going thru and we just can't believe we are putting up with some of the antics of this yoga camp!

I got a nice package from the kids and Faizi for Mother's Day with cards and lovely tea's!!! I miss home as usual.. but count down is on ... we are starting week6 Yeah!!!!

We are told that Rajsharee is coming to lecture us... Bikram's wife... she is amazing we had her here for the first 2 weeks.. a true yogi... so we are excited to have her back. She really uplifts our soul. I know its going to be a long week.. we have to catch up on the posture clinic's. We are told Bikram is leaving for India , so hopefully no more all niter's!!!!

Today is Mother's Day, a bit sad thinking of my Grandmother and not being home with the kids. I woke up early and watched the ocean from my room balcony. Reflected on who I am and the journey I am taking and how I define my self. I realized that being a MOM is the great joy of my life and that's how I define myself. I smiled as I saw dolphins in the ocean out for their morning swim.... It brought peace to me and I know I will home soon to be with my babies!!!!

To all the great Mum's ..... Happy Mother's Day!

Week 4 Done!!!

2008-05-04T07:55:00.002-05:00

I can't believe its been a month, 4 weeks !!! We are all counting down. Week 4 was tough for everyone!!! but there was a sense of accomplishment amongst us that we have almost made it half way !!! Life in the yoga torture chamber is going and going.. tough, rough and brutal at times... We have lots of visiting teachers coming to teach some are really good and give us energy and then there are some that suck the energy out of us.... Slow and boring and LONG!!!! It's just another day in the paradise. I am feeling better, but by mid week, I am drained and drinking pedialyte by the bottles to keep myself from dehydrating. The heat in the yoga room is unbearable at time.. its ranges around 12oF with 60% humidity... I am not kidding when I tell you, some people are getting blisters on their feet!

Bikram comes back Monday and in a weird sort of way we are all excited to have him back.... He brings a lot of energy to this place, otherwise run by his militants!! ( I mean it). I know our late..late nites will start.. oh well.. at this point .. I say bring it on...

The weekends are much welcomed break.. way too short, but also hard for me.. I miss home the most. Counting down days.... Mexico is celebrating Cinco de Mayo!! The resort is crowded with guest and celebrations and I am looking at them and jealous that I wish I was on a holiday too!!! They all seemed so relaxed, drinking and having fun, while I am tired, and studying!!! We are at an amazing resort.. I would recommend it to anyone who wants come for vacation with the family!!!! I have yet to enjoy the resort... I am hoping week 7 or so we can start to explore the city!

Nothing exciting from me.. the same old ... except I do I have to report that I have found a remedy for my sweat in the ear syndrome!!! Good old cotton plugs!!! They work like a charm !!!

Thank GOD for little pleasures in life. Thank you so much for all the support and blessing you are sending my way. I miss you all!!!

Hugs to you all!

Week 3 DONE!!!

2008-04-27T07:49:00.003-05:00

Sunday morning 7:30am, I am off to Walmart!!! Yeah!!! The week was crazy, the heat is on , both in yoga room and otherwise, It flew... We are so busy with yoga and posture clinic, there is no time. I sometimes feel out of body experience, my dialogue seems to be going well... for some reason, I get all nervous and shaky when I get to present it... surprisingly, I am not shy of public speaking, I have done so much of it in my work life. I know on so many levels this is different. Teaching a class is a different monster. Week was the normal crazy, towards the end I felt I was getting sick... I have started to have nite sweats, which is the NORM again, part of detox, since we are doing so much yoga! They use the word Detox so frequently, everything is Detox!!! I feel like I am in REHAB!!! As my previous blog says, I was really sick on Friday, emotionally and Physically.

Saturday morning yoga was horrible, I froze again in the floor series, my lower body literally locked up. After class I spoke to a teacher, who told me to get some pedia lyte into my body ASAP!!! I guzzled two bottles of it.. I think my body went into sugar shock!!! I immediately started feeling better! But I am still getting the chills , again I m told I am detoxing... hell the way I am going I am going to be clean as a whistle!!!! Ha.. Ha..

I took CPR Saturday and now I am ready to save the world! I studied quite a bit in the afternoon, we have another test on Anatomy and the freaking dialogue never ends... Saturday nite our usual dinner with girls.. which is such lovely time, the only time we feel like us!!! the personalities we were before we came to this boot camp!

3rd week has been rough on a lot of people like me, who were strong the first 2 weeks and NOW it was our turn, I am not kidding you at the end of Friday nite class, the yoga room was full of people crying and sobbing! The support for each other, is amazing, so much out pour of love for each other, I am so amazed at that. Its sad to say few more people are leaving to go home, they just cannot do it. I am really sad for them. The thing is .. people on the outside.. like you all at home, cannot even imagine what this is like... being here with people who are going thru the same thing, they totally get it! I got an amazing support e-mail from one of my teachers, Graham, his words were like gold to me.... they came at a perfect time, when I really needed them.

But I AM STILL LOVING IT!!!! So not to worry... what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.. isn't what they say... lets hope I come out stronger not dead!!! Just kidding!

So off to Walmart I go.. getting some pedialyte and stuff. I am treating myself to a massage today!!! I have so much to study today prepare for week 4! Keep the e-mails coming I love reading them, they are great support to me! I miss you all... hugs to you!!!

WOW.. Santa came into town today Friday!

2008-04-25T20:29:00.002-05:00

Today was the worst day I have yet to have... I guess it was my turn .. My morning yoga class... I felt I couldn't breathe in the floor series... it took all my will power to stay in the room.. I kept telling myself I am OK and surrounded by friends.. I can ride this... In the afternoon I had the shivers and fever.... According to the nurse here.. its call Detox... go figure. I had to deliver my dialogue feeling shitty! I did it and nailed! The rest of the day seemed to be going down hill. The 5PM yoga class seemed like a mountain to climb. But I showed up and hung in there... constantly praying for strength. I seemed to be doing ok... until I did camel and it all went downhill from there... I started crying hystercially ... I couldn't stop myself. I was so embrassed... I know people break down every day... I had just hope I would escape it. I was a ball of SWEAT and SNORT!!! Picture that!!! YUK! Right... I am laying on the floor, crying heartily pleading God for strenght and healing... when the our teacher announces that there are no posture clinic tonite.. we have the nite off!!!! I call that Christmas in April!!!! Thank you Santa!!!! AKA GOD!!!

Week 2 is done!

2008-04-20T08:41:00.002-05:00

Its Sunday morning and I am looking at the week ahead.. 7 more weeks.. this week flew by... It was much better than the first week.. I am getting used to the boot camp and nerves are settling and we all are getting into the the new rhythm of life. All this week, we had many lectures... including out Physicology has started. Monday we take a big test. The yoga classes are going well.. I finally have moved myself in the front rows... big accomplishment ( it is much hotter and direct view of the instructor) I am doing just fine . The body aches everywhere and as I have been told its the norm and get used to it. So taking it as part of the package.... The classes are getting harder and harder as they turn up the HEAT!!! SWEAT factor is unreal!

The dialogue heat is on full.. we are all studying so we can stay a step ahead. It might be unbelievable to you guys.. but we barely have anytime... sleep is a rare commodity... so i thought I might give you a run down of my daily life.. which can change without notice!

8:00 - 10 am Yoga

10:00 - Noon Shower, wash yoga outfit, lunch

12:15 - 4Pm Lecture

5:00 - 7PM Yoga

7Pm - 8:30 Shower, wash yoga outfit, dinner

8:30 - Posture Clinic whenever ,, never before 10:30.. we have gone until midnight

Sunday is rest day!

As you can see, it is gruesome! Its good in a way we don't have much time to think of all the physical and mental aliment we are facing... but by the end of the week I am exhausted and homesick. I miss the kids on the weekends the most.. I have been trying to squeeze in a call before dinner, so I can hear their voice. Things at home seems to be fine and they are all being really brave and positive for me.

There are many things here that don't sit well with me. I know I have to filter them, and I do. Because they are not really about true yoga.. everything that I am learning about yoga.. I am loving it! That really gives me confidence and I know I am doing the right thing!

I am so ever thankful for this amazing opportunity and I know its really unleashing strength in me that I didn't know I had... So that is beautiful and scary at the same time. It amazes me how God has created us in his image!

I have made some really good friends and we study together and always treat ourselves to a nice dinner on Saturday and we bitch about our life at the yoga boot camp and laugh a LOT!!! Which really helps... I am meeting people from all over the world... There are 30 countries represented here... its nice to get to know them and hear all sorts of languages being spoken.

A trip to Walmart for groceries is a staple on Saturday morning to stock up for the week. Sunday is a chill and study day... so I am off for a walk on the beach and then get to study.

Thanks so much for all your kind thoughts for my Grandmother... I know she is in peace.

Have a lovely week!

Week 2 - Wednesday

2008-04-16T16:30:00.003-05:00

Its been crazy beyond words... I have swimmers ear from my sweat!!! I am not even joking!!! This week is termed at hazing week... We are being broken and bent.. so to say be rebuilt! Cruising on 6 hours of sleep..... I don't have much time to blog so on weekends you'll get more details...

off to yoga class.....

Weekend

2008-04-13T17:29:00.002-05:00

Friday was really rough.. fatigue and emotions were running high! I was feeling really dehydrated.. even tough I am drinking emergen C and gatorade.... The good news is every one is the same or worse! I helped a lady out she was so bad.. she had stuff coming out both ends.. she was so scared... I was strong for her.. but it really scared me as to how sick one can get... I don't even have the words to express what the body and mind is going thru...

I know for sure when you come to this training.. you might have fears that you bring.. but you will not take them back. I know i sounds weird to so many of you.. especially to people who don't understand what 2 hot yoga classes does to your mind and body. But to my yogi friends... its amazing in spite of the fire and hell.. its all good! I did get some help from the staff and got pedi- lyte pills.. basically electrolytes in a capsule and took it before my Saturday class. And it made the world of difference!!! I wasn't dizzy in the class.. so I plan to take those and my drinks before class. I almost feel guilty saying how tough it is... because the weekend is pretty amazing.. we are in a beautiful resort on the beach... we have one meal( HUGE BUFFET) provided to us and the rest we eat in our rooms... Walmart has everything..

Its Sunday and I am sad to hear that my Grandmother passed away in Pakistan... it really threw me off! I know she is in a better place and lived an amazing life. But it really saddens me to see her go... My roommate Emma is amazing, so supportive and my other friend Kris and Roxanne and I hung out by the beach just relaxing and in my mind I was thinking of my Grandmother and celebrating her amazing life.... I hope the week goes OK emotionally.... I know God will take care of me and I am sure there is lesson to be learned from it. I just wish I was home to get the news....

I am staying in tonight and studying my dialogue and getting mentally prepared for the week.

Keep me in your prayers.....

DAY 4

2008-04-10T19:59:00.002-05:00

Another day in HOTTT paradise!!! My day started really rough.... combination of fatigue, dehydration finally hit me... I was feeling really week going into the 8:30 am class... dizzy and just shaky.. but thank God class went well.. we had 1 hour lunch break then off to posture clinic and lecture with Bikram.. I took a 5Pm class with Bikram which according him was " he was going to make us hurt like hell" But surprising I did really well.. They are talking to us about nutrition and emotional well being all the time...

Everybody is going thru something or the other.... so we are all a great support group of 290! Its amazing how much one can learn about people's life and thank God for your own. Its all about mental strength... Yoga plays with emotions.. coupled with extreme physical activity .. it bring up all sorts of feelings and emotions. Its really hard, but I am glad I am here! Bikram was KIND today and gave us a 2 hour dinner break.. we meet him back for another clinic at 9PM and he has warned us it might be a all niter!!!!

Day 3

2008-04-10T11:00:00.002-05:00

I feel like a cockroach which has been squashed and keeps on living... every class is hotter and harder...but we keep coming back for more... People are breaking down everywhere from passing out, throwing up to curled up crying . It is not uncommon to walk out of the room with people whaling! I have had my emotional week moment or two... mostly missing the kids and fatigue. Last nite Bikram held posture/ lecture clinic until midnight . The man never sleeps!

I know there is reason I am here... I never doubt that... I am trying really hard to eat well... I have started to eat red meat! You guys know that is extreme for me....

Gotta go..

Day 2 The heat is ON!!!!

2008-04-08T23:27:00.002-05:00

Its 11:30 PM and I just got to my room... my day started at 7:30am. We had the whole gamut today two classes and posture clinic with Bikram!!! The classes are really hard... but I am pacing myself doing really well.. the credit really goes to my Ashburn studio and teachers... they really prepare you for it... At one point I felt in the class that a thunder cloud had stopped on top of me and was showering me with rain... then I realized it wasn't rain that was pouring down on me.. it was SWEAT!!! I felt I was going to drown in my own sweat!!!

The big news is I did my Posture with Bikram... and I did really well... I was dieing.. his comments to me were I quote " Amazing... you have a lot of character and personality in your delivery... great Job" I was shocked... thank God that's out of the way... Gotta go... feel like a slug.. need to get some zzzzzz 8:30am Class.... Hugs to all!!!

Update on Day 1 class with Bikram

2008-04-08T07:05:00.003-05:00

OMG!!!! It was class like none I have ever had.... HOT than ever and 2 hours long.. his energy is amazing and he said he was taking it easy! Boy if that is easy I don't know what the next 2 weeks with him are going to be like...... I did well.. pacing myself remembering that's my journey and I am here to learn not to conquer... more later.... I am going to up today in front of him doing my first posture...... gotta run have a 8:30 am class...

Day 1

2008-04-07T08:08:00.002-05:00

So orientation wasn't bad.. but we were told we deliver our first posture in front of Bikram today! Yikes!! I swear the thought made me so nervous that I couldn't remember anything! I could hear my teacher Joan whispering in my ear.. breathe.. you know it....So all last nite my roommate Emma and I practiced hard! Lets see how it goes.... Talking abut my roommate... OMG.. I love her.. she is from Australia yes down under! Love the accent! She is 34! Lovely! Thank GOD!!! I am positive we will get along just fine... she seems to be really neat girl! Also on another note... lots of gals and guys my age... so I don't feel like a Grannie!

First hot yoga class today! The room is amazing HUGE and HOTTTTT!!!!

I made a rip to Walmart.. WOW.. they have everything here... just in Spanish.. so I am hoping that I will pick up some fancy words!!!

Gotta run... send me good energy!

I am here!! let the fun begin!

2008-04-06T07:41:00.002-05:00

The trip here was crazy to say the least.. 2 cancel flt later... I arrived after being rerouted across the country. BUT in the end it all worked out.. met some really nice yogis in Minneapolis, yes MN!!! and the Fairmont princess is amazing.. lush gardens, beach, Mexican stone.. lovely... kind of reminds me of Karachi, where I grew up..... its hot 90* and I am here to do what .. hot yoga.. what was I thinkin!!!! Yikes....Its Sunday morning lovely I have the beach garden view loving it... OK this is where it all stops today! We have orientation this afternoon and the hell begins... so enjoy the peaceful calm blog from me.. the rest is going to be nasty. Looking forward to meeting my roommate she gets in today! I am home sick a bit... although I met many moms here and yes we did have a joint crying session! it felt good!!!

Ciao from Acapulco!

Water is good on the resort!!! YEAH!!!

One more day and I am off for 9 week Bikram Training

2008-04-04T13:17:00.002-06:00

WOW!!! I can't believe that I am here... all this time preparing and anticipating for my yoga training. I am so ready.. happy and blessed to be able to do this life changing yoga... Sad to leave my family and friends behind. I know its going to be challenging and spiritually uplifting. I am so humbled by the support I have gotten from family and friends... they have so much faith in me.. perhaps at time more than I have in my self.

But that's the reason I am doing this yoga training... I know the difference it has made in my life and I want to pass it on to others.... its my journey and my road. I know that GOD has put me on this path in from of me and I much to learn from it. All my angels out there and you know who you are... know that I will carry you in my heart and I couldn't have done it with out your support, love and prayers....

Keep sending me your amazing energy and prayers.. with 2 hot yoga classes I am going to need it!

Hugs & Namaste