Friday June 6th, 2008 !!! Graduation!!!! I am done!

I Can't believe its here!  The day has finally arrived, we as a group of 270 yogis have survived Bikram's  Torture Chamber in every sense of the way.   I have learned so much about myself, others and survival!  Its been great in so many ways, learned so much  and so many things I didn't appreciate much.  In midst of all that.. I know for sure who I am and what defines me.  In the toughest of time, I realized I never ever gave up my core values, and that's what comforted me.  In the philosophy of the boot camp of breaking us down and rebuilding us up again.  I stood firm and knew that parts of my life were not going to be broken down.  My faith defines me and has gotten me through this time.   But yes I did learn a lot, about letting go... feelings that we use as a security blanket, sometimes hold us back to enjoy life to its fullest.  Forgiving is one of the best thing I was able to do on this journey.  Forgive myself and others.... not because the world has done me so wrong, but because we are human and forgiveness is the core of our existence!

As I  enter into the REAL world out of the YOGA  BUBBLE!  I am excited to share the new me and cautious to know the I might view life with different set of glasses..... 

Here is a quote from the Autobiography of the yogi.. that really defines my journey....

" Human life is the best with sorrow until we know how to tune in with the Divine Will, whose right course is often baffling to the egoistic intelligence.  God bears the burden of the cosmos; He alone can give unerring counsel"

Much love to you all!

Wondering where I have been... Week 7, 8 & 9

I am still alive and sort of kicking.... Its almost over in a day and half!!! Yeah... the past three weeks have been HELL WEEK!!!! in all ways....   Both body and mind started to give up and it almost seemed that this treacherous journey will never end!  I stopped e-mailing, blogging and all contact with the outside world!  ( except for talking to the family , that also every other day, really short)  Just trying to survive was absolutely draining my energy.  I totally gave myself to the yoga bubble that I am in!  It took too much energy to think of anyone or anything other than my own physical pain and mental trials.  In week 8, I was hit with flu along with 100 or so other yogis... we are so depleted that we have no immunity.  Still fighting the cold.  No rest for the weary.. I was still required to follow the schedule.   Talk about self realization!  There is so much to write and tell you all... but again, hanging by a fine fine thread with 4 hours of sleep at best.... Don't worry I am hanging in strong.. relatively speaking.. counting down hours and minutes..... So my dear friend thanks for coming along with me on this journey.  I will talk to you all when I get back!  And Yes I have much to tell!  Still loving my yoga!

Hugs to you all

Week 6 ...Great Surprise!!!

I know you all are wondering what the hell happened to me.... Faizi and the kids surprised me on Friday... so way too busy with trying to catch up... In a nutshell,  week 6 was another tough one!  But it ended up being beautiful with my family here... All is good that ends well... so NO whining for week 6!

Week 6 ...Great Surprise!!!

I know you all are wondering what the hell happened to me.... Faizi and the kids surprised me on Friday... so way too busy with trying to catch up... In a nutshell,  week 6 was another tough one!  But it ended up being beautiful with my family here... All is good that ends well... so NO whining for week 6!

Week 5 Done! Tough One!

 Week 5  marked half way of the training!!! There was a sense of celebration going into the week knowing we were half way there... It was announced on Monday in our morning yoga class that Bikram's Guru's son and old time friend died and all the classes and posture clinics were canceled.  As sad that was, we need the extra day for rest and study.  We were also told that Bikram was flying in the next day to be with us.. he really wanted to be here with us.  Week started on Tuesday and Bikram took the afternoon class with us.  Boy he was absolutely belligerent in the class.  Instead of doing yoga, he started picking on people in the class... what a distraction and he was like a crazy man!  Hard 2 hour class... the rest of the week was down hill... he had us in lectures most nites until 2:30am and Friday nite, we were in lecture until 4AM!!!  Yes we were cruising on 2 to 3 ours of sleep ... with still on our regular schedule.  Words cannot justify what the moral was like.... He would start his lecture at 9PM and then we were made to watch Indian movie into the wee hours of the morning..... I will say no more, its one of the things I am learning to filter and know that it is temporary.  The lesson I am learning from all this madness is how to keep my sanity under the worst of times... 

The amazing part of all this is... how people support each other, everyone is so supportive , we watch out for each other and there is a sense of family. If one is down there are so many people cheering for you, you just feel like you are being carried.  There is fatigue setting in, especially week 5 , mostly lack of sleep.  Why we are being put thru this torture, I don't have the answer, would it make me a better yoga teacher,  I don't think so... it seems personal power trips!!!  As Bikram puts it... he is making us "Bullet Proof, Fire Proof, Sex Proof"!!!! So there...  But I know for sure that I am definitely discovering or rediscovering things about me.  Which is  good thing.... I am so out of my comfort zone, my fight mechanism is activated and I am learning that I am much tougher than I ever imagined.

In spite of all the hell of the week, I still love the real Yoga!!! That I am happy about.  One of the highlights of my week was my studio owner and friend Jameliah, surprised me on Monday.  Boy was that a sight for sore eyes.... it was so good to see someone from home... I hardly got to see her, but it was a great treat in the middle of hell week.  

Saturday morning we did our morning yoga.. hardly was yoga... with no sleep... the class of 280 people were bunch zombies in motion !!! it was so wild there was no energy in the room.  Did the Walmart ritual and crashed in the afternoon.

At nite, 8 of us went out for a Italian dinner at the Veranda and celebrated Mother's Day!!! As usual the Saturday nite dinners are my therapy and IV for the week.  We laughed and laughed of what we were going thru and we just can't believe we are putting up with some of the antics of this yoga camp!  

I got a nice package from the kids and Faizi for Mother's Day with cards and lovely tea's!!!  I miss home as usual.. but count down is on ... we are starting week6 Yeah!!!!

We are told that Rajsharee is coming to lecture us... Bikram's wife... she is amazing we had her here for the first 2 weeks.. a true yogi...  so we are excited to have her back.  She really uplifts our soul.  I know its going to be a long week.. we have to catch up on the posture clinic's.  We are told Bikram is leaving for India , so hopefully no more all niter's!!!!

Today is Mother's Day,  a bit sad thinking of my Grandmother and not being home with the kids.  I woke up early and watched the ocean from my room balcony.  Reflected on who I am and the journey I am taking and how I define my self.  I realized that being a MOM is the great joy of my life and that's how I define myself.  I smiled as I saw dolphins in the ocean out for their morning swim.... It brought peace to me and I know I will home soon to be with my babies!!!!

To all the great Mum's ..... Happy Mother's Day!  

Week 4 Done!!!

I can't believe its been a month, 4 weeks !!! We are all counting down.  Week 4 was tough for everyone!!! but there was a sense of accomplishment amongst us that we have almost made it half way !!!  Life in the yoga torture chamber is going and going.. tough, rough and brutal at times... We have lots of visiting teachers coming to teach some are really good and give us energy and then there are some that suck the energy out of us.... Slow and boring and LONG!!!! It's just another day in the paradise.  I am feeling better, but by mid week, I am drained and drinking pedialyte by the bottles to keep myself from dehydrating.  The heat in the yoga room is unbearable at time.. its ranges around 12oF with 60% humidity... I am not kidding when I tell you, some people are getting blisters on their feet!

Bikram comes back Monday and in a weird sort of way we are all excited to have him back.... He brings a lot of energy to this place, otherwise run by his militants!! ( I mean it).  I know our late..late nites will start.. oh well.. at this point .. I say bring it on...

The weekends are much welcomed break.. way too short, but also hard for me.. I miss home the most.  Counting down days.... Mexico is celebrating Cinco de Mayo!! The resort is crowded with guest and celebrations and I am looking at them and jealous that I wish I was on a holiday too!!! They all seemed so relaxed, drinking and having fun, while I am tired, and studying!!! We are at an amazing resort.. I would recommend it to anyone who wants come for vacation with the family!!!! I have yet to enjoy the resort... I am hoping week 7 or so we can start to explore the city!

Nothing exciting from me.. the same old ... except I do I have to report that I have found a remedy for my sweat in the ear syndrome!!! Good old cotton plugs!!! They work like a charm !!!

Thank GOD for little pleasures in life.  Thank you so much for all the support and blessing you are sending my way.  I miss you all!!!

Hugs to you all!

Week 3 DONE!!!

Sunday morning 7:30am, I am off to Walmart!!! Yeah!!!  The week was crazy, the heat is on , both in yoga room and otherwise, It flew... We are so busy with yoga and posture clinic, there is no time.  I sometimes feel out of body experience, my dialogue seems to be going well... for some reason, I get all nervous and shaky when I get to present it... surprisingly, I am not shy of public speaking, I have done so much of it in my work life.  I know on so many levels this is different.  Teaching a class is a different monster.  Week was the normal crazy, towards the end I felt I was getting sick... I have started to have nite sweats, which is the NORM again, part of detox, since we are doing so much yoga!  They use the word Detox so frequently, everything is Detox!!! I feel like I am in REHAB!!!  As my previous blog says, I was really sick  on Friday, emotionally and Physically.

Saturday morning yoga was horrible, I froze again in the floor series, my lower body literally locked up.  After class I spoke to a teacher, who told me to get some pedia lyte into my body ASAP!!! I guzzled two bottles of it.. I think my body went into sugar shock!!! I immediately started feeling better!  But I am still getting the chills , again I m told I am detoxing... hell the way I am going I am going to be clean as a whistle!!!! Ha.. Ha..

I took CPR Saturday and now I am ready to save the world!  I studied quite a bit in the afternoon, we have another test on Anatomy and the freaking dialogue never ends... Saturday nite our usual dinner with girls.. which is such lovely time, the only time we feel like us!!! the personalities we were before we came to this boot camp!

3rd week has been rough on a lot of people like me, who were strong the first 2 weeks and NOW it was our turn, I am not kidding you at the end of Friday nite class, the yoga room was full of people crying and sobbing!  The support for each other, is amazing, so much out pour of love for each other, I am so amazed at that.  Its sad to say few more people are leaving to go home, they just cannot do it.  I am really sad for them.  The thing is .. people on the outside.. like you all at home, cannot even imagine what this is like... being here with people who are going thru the same thing, they totally get it!  I got an amazing support e-mail from one of my teachers, Graham, his words were like gold to me.... they came at a perfect time, when I really needed them. 

But I AM STILL LOVING IT!!!! So not to worry... what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.. isn't what they say... lets hope I come out stronger not dead!!! Just kidding!

So off to Walmart I go.. getting some pedialyte and stuff.  I am treating myself to a massage today!!!  I have so much to study today prepare for week 4!  Keep the e-mails coming I love reading them, they are great support to me!  I miss you all... hugs to you!!!